Try this Sex Experiment With Your Husband or Wife

If you already know how to make yourself feel good through self-pleasuring, then theoretically sex with a partner could feel that good, too. Often what holds us back are concerns about what our partner would think if we were to offer suggestions and express our needs and desires (whether sexual, emotional, or physical).

Therefore, instead of “Oh wow, that feels good, oh yeah, oh yeah,” what goes through our mind is, “That would feel so much better if it were just a bit to the right,” or, “God, I wish he’d kept doing that,” or, “I feel so alone in this relationship, it’ s as though I’m not even here,” and so on.

I believe that most people like to see their partners relish pleasure and would try (within reason) to fulfill their wishes. One skill that may help you feel more sexually nurtured is to be able to control how someone else pleases you. Putting up with something that doesn’t feel good just because you’re hoping it will be over soon is not helpful or pleasurable and can reinforce negative feelings about your sexuality.

For this exercise, you will need a sexual partner. If this partner is someone with whom you have an ongoing relationship, tell him or her that you’re trying to undo some unhelpful habits, and ask if he or she would be willing to make love to you with the understanding that you’re going to speak up every time you can think of a way in which what is happening could feel better to you.

If you recently just got married for the first time, one way to take some of the pressure off your uncertainty about each other’ s likes and dislikes is to say, “Mmmm, I want you to have a really good time tonight. While I’m getting to know what you like, just let me know any time you can think of a way what we’re doing could feel better and I’ll do the same for you.”

When pleasuring a partner, try to get inside his or her head and imagine what he or she would like. As you gain experience with this person, you can eventually learn what he or she likes (everyone is a little different, after all). The ultimate goal is to be able to key your arousal into your partner’ s, so the more turned on your partner gets the more turned on you get.

You can reach this place by imagining you are experiencing whatever you are doing to him or her.

After trying this sex experiment, you should check out 500 Lovemaking Tips and Secrets, a must-read guide book on improving your sex life. Click here to read my review of it.